just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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