You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize