Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
