Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
