You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
