i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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