So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
