i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
