grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
