I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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