Quick, to the slutcave!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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