i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
