i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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