i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
