either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
