the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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