I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
