I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
