Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
