hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
