new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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