this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
