You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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