omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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