you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
