This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
