So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
