Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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