I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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