it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
