I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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