she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
