remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
