Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
