my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
be right there i have to get my cape
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
