If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
