Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
