I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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