break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
