My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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