i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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