'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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