i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
