I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
