a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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