On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
