still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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