My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
