I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
