omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Life without a bra equals bliss.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
