I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
