i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
