Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My cat gives me a boner
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
