You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
