dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
