No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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