Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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