Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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