Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
