a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
