There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
