Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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