please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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