just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
