"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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