I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
