so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
