When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
