After last night, I could never be a politician.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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