Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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