I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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