Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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