this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think my moral compass just broke
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