You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
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Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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