I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
